The Opposite of Helpless

 "After you find few generations, the road will become more difficult...You will be tempted to stop and leave the hard work of finding to others who are more expert or to another time in your life. But you will also feel a tug on your heart to go on in the work, hard as it will be. as you decide, remember that the names which will be so difficult to find are of real people to whom you owe your existence in this world and whom you will meet again in the spirit world...Their hearts are bound to you. Their hope is in your hands. You will have more than your own strength as you choose to labor on to find them."

-Henry B. Eyring

Conference Report, Apr. 2005, 1982

I only really have memory of being completely helpless a few times in my life.  One specific time I remember very clearly was the night we came home with my newborn baby, Tucker. I was so exhausted from my C-Section that I fell asleep without taking my pain medicine. As babies tend to do, Tucker woke up after a few hours needing to eat. As I reached over to pick him up, I was overwhelmed with pain. I could not move, much less pick up a tiny baby or even walk to get my medicine. I could not wake up Joe, who was sleeping on the couch with a cold, trying to avoid the baby and me.  I yelled and prayed and pleaded for help to be able to get my medicine, for Joe to hear me and for the baby to be watched over! Little baby Tucker was only about six feet away from me, and there was nothing I could do! It was a brutal experience of being absolutely helpless.

I wonder if that is how my ancestors feel sometimes while they are watching me. They know what is at stake, and they know what awaits them once their work is done. Their time is ticking, and it has been for a while. They can see me, floating along in my life and wonder if today will be the day that I find them.  They are completely helpless--they cannot do this work on their own. Their whole entire future rests on people like me taking the time to find them. How hard and painful and sweet and joyful and exhausting it must be for them!

This week I had a mini-win. I found a great little record of my great-great-Grandfather, I.C. VanGorkum. I found his draft records. He temple work is already done, and sad to say, I have not spent really any time prior to this week really getting to know him. When I found this document, it brought tears to my eyes. His signature was right there in front of me and I was looking at a copy of a paper that he had written on with his own hand. It had his full name, Isaac Calvin VanGorkum. I didn't even know that was his full name until this week. I wonder if he ever wondered if I would see it?  I wonder if he ever thought, "Gee, I wonder if she will ever get to knowing me, even though my work is already done."

"...Their hope is in your hands." That is how President Eyring puts it.

There are the obvious reasons for doing family history, like taking those names to the temple and binding families together forever. It is tempting to move right up to the top of our family tree and find those missing names. It is important and those ancestors are probably thinking that is a great idea!

However, this week I learned about studying and bonding with my ancestors whose work is already done.

"And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers..." (Malachi 4:6).

It doesn't say that our hearts turn to the "fathers whose names we can take to the temple." What a humbling thought! Every one of my wonderful and incredible ancestors, with or without their temple work already done, is worthy of my thoughts. They deserve my attention and my heart. They are the reason I am here--the reason I have my family, my testimony and even my life.

My goal this week is to create relationships. I want to know each of these family members.  I commit to doing temple work, but I also commit to not being helpless. I will not forget how lucky I am to have the blessings I do. I will turn my hearts to all my fathers.

Today I am the opposite of helpless. I am the hope.